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R.I.P. My cousin, Steph – One year gone

steph

One year ago, my cousin, Stephanie, died of breast cancer.  We had no idea that she had it, no idea that she was ill.  It spread from her breast to her liver and there were so many complications so quickly that she got worse and ended up in a medically-induced coma.  I remember holding her hand and talking to her like she could hear everything that I said but I don’t know if she could, really.  I’m assuming that she heard me when I told her, comically, that it was the first time that I could talk without her interrupting me and that, if she could, I wouldn’t be able to finish a sentence without her laughing with that contagious laugh of hers or her interrupting me before I finished the story. 

I remember a lot from those hours in the hospital.  It was very difficult for me and I won’t go into much about that part of it because this is for Steph.  I’m remembering her.  When I was about 2-years-old, my older sister got really ill at 4-years-old.  For the next six years, she spent quite a lot of time (with my mother by her side) in hospitals, medical centers, and the like.  She passed away at the age of 10 and there is quite a lot to be said about that; however, seeing my little cousin (about 42-years-old?) in a hospital bed in a coma with numerous I.V’s and tubes and bruises and all, well, it brought back a lot of memories and it made me feel like vomiting even though I pushed on and tried to be strong.  

My parents and I went to visit her.  My cousin, (her sister), had called and told me that if we wanted to see her, we’d better make the trip and come.  I could tell in her voice that she meant, “Come now”.  So, we did.  It was really hard to be an adult even though I’m nearly fifty now.  I guess that whenever we are with our parents and older relatives, we tend to fall back into our role and I felt like a little kid going into the hospital.  But, I tried to be cool and quiet for everyone else. 

I couldn’t believe when someone told me the other day that it had been a whole year since Steph died.  This year went very, very quickly.  The week after Steph passed away, my neighbor (who I considered a friend), passed away from breast cancer, too.  So, it was kind of a double-whammy for me.  Both gone for almost a year now.  

Life goes so quickly.  Don’t take any moment for granted.  Experience things you never thought you would.  Try new things that you were always afraid of because you never know until you try.  I’m going to try three new things and write about them here.  Why don’t you do the same.  Think of things that you always wanted to do but never took the time…imagine getting over a silly fear by doing something that you never have…Allow yourself some freedom and some joy and try something that you remember as being a joyful experience when you were young and then do it again.

Let me know if you do these things.  I will get back to you all in three later posts.   Always wanted to do, overcoming a silly fear and doing it, and allowing myself to experience true joy again…  What a thought.

 Can you do these three things?  Will you post back to me afterward?  Time is passing…  Will you try?

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4 responses

  1. I’m sorry about Steph xx

    July 10, 2013 at 10:59 am

    • Hi,

      And, thanks so much. It hurts to think that she won’t ever be here again. I think that’s the worst part. A week after she passed, my neighbor (and friend) passed away, too. And… Just a couple of weeks ago, my favorite doctor in all of the world committed suicide. It was a shock. No one had any idea. It was horrible to accept and to figure out and I still haven’t, really. So, now, this time of year is kinda’ going to be the shits. (Pardon my expression!) Every anniversary of this time will be oh-so-sad because of all of them.

      I appreciate your kind words and I love your blog. Keep writing and I will, too!
      Yours truly, hypersensationalism,
      Shawn

      July 11, 2013 at 8:39 am

      • That is all so very sad 😦 I remember your post about your Dr friend. I wish I had something to say that could ease some of what you’re feeling but there’s no words. It’s just completely unfair and heartbreaking x

        July 11, 2013 at 8:45 am

      • Thank you. I’m just dumbfounded. I just find myself sitting and thinking a lot. Have you ever done that??? I was watching my two kids today and just listening to them kind of bicker and I started cracking up! They asked me what was wrong and I just laughed and told them, “I LOVE you guys!”. I believe they thought I was crazy for a minute there… They just looked at each other and started arguing again. I shook my head and thought what a wonderful life this is and I was happy that it was 80′ outside in the sunshine, we have our health pretty much, and we were walking on a mini-hike at the college that our oldest will be attending in the Fall. I also decided to take a different attitude about my daughter leaving; I’m not going to be sad for me, I’m going to be thrilled for her. Still gonna’ be a toughie but we will make it through. Think of all of the people who we lose and then be happy that we are still alive. :o)
        Take care and keep in touch,
        Shawn

        July 11, 2013 at 8:51 am

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