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“The bond that links your true family is not one of blood, but of respect and joy in each other’s life. Rarely do members of one family grow up under the same roof.”
I was talking to “hypersensationalism” and discussing friends of ours that have passed away recently. I thought came to my mind. I shared it with them and I would like to share this quote above with you…
This is a famous quote (one of my very, very favorites!!) from “Illusions” by Richard Bach (who also wrote Jonathan Livingston Seagull way back in, like, the 70′s or something.) It kind of conveys what I’m thinking. Let me know if it touches you, too.
This hits me hard. We have some true, true friends that we spend some holidays with that are not true “family” by blood but we have known them for about 15 years and our kids have grown up together. I don’t know what I would do without these people in my life and I don’t know what I would do if anything happened to them or their kids. I feel closer to them than most people.
When you read this quote, what do you think? Who do you immediately think of? Do they KNOW that you feel this deeply about them? If not, why don’t you take today and tell them, let them know?
Life is short, my friend. It may change your life to let someone know that you consider them to be your true family. Family is more than just best friends, it’s a stronger bond that can’t be faked. You know who they are, so think about it. Let them know and then come back and tell me how it went.
Until then,
Ciao for now,
Shawn
P.S. And, a big thank you to my friend, hypersensationalism, for getting me to jot it down.
One year ago, my cousin, Stephanie, died of breast cancer. We had no idea that she had it, no idea that she was ill. It spread from her breast to her liver and there were so many complications so quickly that she got worse and ended up in a medically-induced coma. I remember holding her hand and talking to her like she could hear everything that I said but I don’t know if she could, really. I’m assuming that she heard me when I told her, comically, that it was the first time that I could talk without her interrupting me and that, if she could, I wouldn’t be able to finish a sentence without her laughing with that contagious laugh of hers or her interrupting me before I finished the story.
I remember a lot from those hours in the hospital. It was very difficult for me and I won’t go into much about that part of it because this is for Steph. I’m remembering her. When I was about 2-years-old, my older sister got really ill at 4-years-old. For the next six years, she spent quite a lot of time (with my mother by her side) in hospitals, medical centers, and the like. She passed away at the age of 10 and there is quite a lot to be said about that; however, seeing my little cousin (about 42-years-old?) in a hospital bed in a coma with numerous I.V’s and tubes and bruises and all, well, it brought back a lot of memories and it made me feel like vomiting even though I pushed on and tried to be strong.
My parents and I went to visit her. My cousin, (her sister), had called and told me that if we wanted to see her, we’d better make the trip and come. I could tell in her voice that she meant, “Come now”. So, we did. It was really hard to be an adult even though I’m nearly fifty now. I guess that whenever we are with our parents and older relatives, we tend to fall back into our role and I felt like a little kid going into the hospital. But, I tried to be cool and quiet for everyone else.
I couldn’t believe when someone told me the other day that it had been a whole year since Steph died. This year went very, very quickly. The week after Steph passed away, my neighbor (who I considered a friend), passed away from breast cancer, too. So, it was kind of a double-whammy for me. Both gone for almost a year now.
Life goes so quickly. Don’t take any moment for granted. Experience things you never thought you would. Try new things that you were always afraid of because you never know until you try. I’m going to try three new things and write about them here. Why don’t you do the same. Think of things that you always wanted to do but never took the time…imagine getting over a silly fear by doing something that you never have…Allow yourself some freedom and some joy and try something that you remember as being a joyful experience when you were young and then do it again.
Let me know if you do these things. I will get back to you all in three later posts. Always wanted to do, overcoming a silly fear and doing it, and allowing myself to experience true joy again… What a thought.
Can you do these three things? Will you post back to me afterward? Time is passing… Will you try?
“Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”
― Dr. Seuss
I imagine that this makes sense… I will try to internalize it. Thank you, Dr. Seuss!
I was talking to my mom today on the phone. That isn’t such an amazing feat because we talk on the phone and touch base with each other just about every day and, sometimes, several times a day. And, it’s not like I can’t go 24 hours without chatting with my parents (like my husband and kids sometimes tease me!); it’s that I like them, really like them as people. And, I’m the kind of person that likes the people that are in my life. If I love you, then I LOVE you. Plain and simple.
Just recently, I lost a friend. He committed suicide. It was a really, really hard thing and even though he left a note to his wife and daughters, and I pretty much know the gist of it, I am still having trouble with it. There are times during my day that I come up with things that I should be able to call and say to him and things that I should be able to ask him about, but then, the brutal reality pops back into my head and I remember that he’s not here anymore…and I can’t call him. Ever again. And, I don’t like it. I don’t like it at all.
When we were talking this morning, I said to my mom, “Do you know what makes me mad?” She said, “I bet I can guess.” I went on, “Besides the fact that I know that I can’t call him anymore or ask his opinion or advice, I am so mad that people have already (one week after his funeral) moved on… They have just gone back to (almost) normal, like life just goes on… It really makes me mad. It’s like people just go back to their lives, not like it didn’t happen but, like they’re not taking enough time to internalize it and switch gears. It’s like they’re not taking enough time to grieve…” She said, “I know. It does seem that way. But, honey, life does go on and there’s not much that we can do about it.” This coming from my mother who lost my sister at the age of 10-years-old after my sister being in-and-out of hospitals, medical centers and doctor’s offices for six years with a terminal disease. She knew what I meant and she truly knew what she was saying about life going on…
It was a pivotal point of our conversation. We had been talking for the past week-and-a-half since we got the news. It was difficult enough to digest let alone try to figure out what he was thinking — and why. We tried to come up with some thoughts that we both had to give us a little closure but also so that we could get through our daily lives without spending every waking moment thinking and wondering about what he was thinking and why he took his own life. Suicide is a toughie. It leaves the loved ones, family, friends, co-workers, acquaintances, etc. with an empty hole a little bit different from a “regular” death whereby someone was ill or it was an accident or merely old age.
I am nearly a half-century old, and even though I still think of myself as the youth or younger one in my family (because my parents are 23 years older than me and more advanced in years), losing some people seems to be a little harder than others. This one was very, very hard for me. Not only because I looked up to this man but also because he was my doctor and, from my viewpoint, my friend. I know that he treated all of his patients with kindness, thoughtfulness, honesty, compassion, and friendship but I can’t help but think that some of the things that he said to me were, well, just for me. I remember one time when I thought that I had a lump in my breast and I just knew that it was cancer. I had had a lump in my breast at the age of fifteen and was extremely frightened because I had to have it removed surgically at 17-years-old. I didn’t want that happening to me again and just the thought of dealing with everything that that would entail got me a little freaked out to say the least. He assured me before I even got my mammogram scheduled that it was 90-some per cent not cancer and to stop worrying. Things like that you just don’t say to every patient that walks in your door or you just might be sued for malpractice because one could be wrong – but, he wasn’t.
I know that time does heal all wounds of the heart and that, in time, I will feel better and just remember all of the good things rather than having so many questions. But, for now, it does anger me a little that people are right back to their daily lives. It has only been two weeks since we found out and so much has happened since then. How can they be right back to normal? Why does it happen that way? This man birthed over 6,600 babies in our community which means that at least 20,000 or more people in those families (a mom, a dad, possibly a sibling and grandparents to boot) were DIRECTLY affected by his career and his love of OB/GYN work in our town. How can they just get up, get ready for school or work, get in their cars and just go back to their daily lives? Sometimes I feel like screaming, “Hey, people, aren’t you forgetting him just a little too soon? What are you doing? What the heck are you thinking?”
Have you lost someone recently, too? Have you gone through all of the “five stages of death and dying”: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, and Acceptance? Did you go through all of them in order or did you jump around, back-and-forth, like I have? Was there something that made it easier for you to put all of your emotions in an imaginary “box” and tuck them away for the time being to get on with your life? Or are you still struggling?
I really like to read posts from the blog of nivaladiva. I’ve been reading every one of her posts from my iPhone lately and wait for them patiently. 
I have only a couple of really fun things that I look forward to in my daily life and I wanted her to know that one of them is seeing nivaladiva or Riding Bitch post alerts on my phone. It really makes my day and I look forward to them. So, thought I should let her know that because, sometimes, we feel as though we’re writing for ourselves and tend to forget that people actually appreciate our posts let alone look forward to them.
Just this past week, one of my “friends”, (my doctor, actually), committed suicide. It hit me really, really hard. I didn’t realize how hard until I had to go to his Memorial/funeral. My whole last week has been in a daze and I will write about that more when it isn’t so raw. But, while I was in this hazy, foggy mess, I kept on reading people’s writing and tried to keep my head above sea level while attending to the regular, mundane tasks of daily life. My two daughters and my wonderful hubby and parents helped but, for some reason, I just couldn’t shake it.
I love her idea of Kaizen. I feel as though I am making small, simple strides back to “normalcy”. I just couldn’t believe that someone that I knew so well could be hurting so much. I also couldn’t believe that someone would take for granted something so precious…life, itself. But, I am slowly understanding his thinking (however wrong) about his life, his patients, his work, his family and his purpose.
I believe that it takes all kinds to make a world and we all have a purpose here whether we understand it or not. I know that it will take me some more time to come to grips with all that has happened this past several days but I really love the idea of Kaizen (“Change” for “Good”) and making small steps toward — whatever it is that we are moving toward.
For some, it may be toward their goal, others it may be toward their purpose in life, and for me, right now, it is toward “normal” again.
Have you ever lost someone close to you? How did you regain your self and your normal life?
Ciao for now, Shawn
There are a few men that I look up to while standing on tiptoe and one of those (besides my dad and husband) is Ernest Hemingway.
When I was in high school, I remember someone asking me who my favorite writers were and I immediately spewed out: Steinbeck, Hemingway and Shakespeare…
and not in that order!
The same is true today. Although I have added a select few to the mix. More on that later……………
Ciao for now!
“Every job from the heart is, ultimately, of equal value. The nurse injects the syringe; the writer slides the pen; the farmer plows the dirt; the comedian draws the laughter. Monetary income is the perfect deceiver of a man’s true worth.”
― Criss Jami
This quote grabbed me. I guess it made me think. For people who actually know me, one of my favorite (FAVORITE!) quotes of all time is this: “It takes all kinds to make a world”. It means just about the same thing.
And, I mean it several ways: it takes all kinds of people, it takes all kinds of things, all kinds of animals, all kinds of jobs, all kinds of personalities, all kinds of…everything.
When people start to whine, bicker, or complain (myself included from time-to-time), I repeat this quote.
My 17-year-old will be graduating from high school in about two weeks. There is a lot going on in our lives: writing up scholarships and filling out the forms (I’m helping out with that one), ironing graduation gowns without a wrinkle (grandma is helping with that task!), mowing the lawn, blowing the circle drive, and weed-eating the bank for our guests (my wonderful hubby), and working on the inside of the house and organizing kids’ games, toys, Pet Shop Pals, and bins of Barbies from long ago (our youngest, 13-year-old, is an organizing genius)…
There is a lot going on and a lot of emotions, to say the least! This Summer will go quickly and our oldest will turn 18 and then, subsequently, move away from home for the first time in her life. I am happy for her; she will be going to one of the most amazing private, Catholic universities in the nation. I am happy for her, really I am… Don’t smirk.
I am also having a rough time of it but I will make it…I will survive and I will smile through tears – for her. I love her so much, so I will be strong – for her. And, when she is on her merry way, and when we drive away from the school, I will hold my head up and try to keep it together — for our youngest, her best friend, her confidant, her other half.
I don’t really regret a moment of the past 17-and-a-half years because we are a close-knit family and we have spent those years close together. I just need to take a deep breath and remember that this is her time, her life, her shot at living and having a little fun – and freedom – for awhile. And, if it doesn’t feel right, she knows that we will be here with open arms should she decide to make a different decison.
Enough rambling on that note… Back to the quote. We have had numerous philosophical discussions recently (she and I) about life, love, religion, faith and purpose. She is different from most of her friends. We live in a small town where most of her graduating class of 120-some students will either be working at Burger King come Fall, be entering Basic Training at some army base, or will become preggers and become a welfare statistic living on their own to prove something to their mom and dad by being “independent” from their family. None of these choices is good; none of these choices do I wish on any of her friends.
But, again, it takes all kinds to make a world. It does take the woman working behind the counter at Wendy’s to give you your meal at lunchtime, it does take the guy digging in the ditch to lay the line for your cable, it does take the student at the cash register after you’ve finished making your frozen yogurt to pay, it does take the teller at the bank to fire off the cylinder back to you with your weekend cash in it and it does take YOU…to do whatever it is that you do to help make this world.
What is it that you will do, what is it that you can offer, what is it that you will contribute to make this world better, stronger, more amazing? Think about it. What will you do?
In the meantime, God Bless.
Shawn
This is a photo of Caleb Moore. He is nothing if not totally AWESOME! I really wish that I would have been able to meet him and shake his hand. He was a great guy and extremely talented. Love you, Caleb.
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